That's right. Hardcore vegan gangster.
Yesterday I heard this: “Yo, that’s a separate line item on the balance sheet and shit, motherfucker.” I was at a gym — a place I absolutely detest and avoid because it’s full of guys with bodies that are suited for nothing except lifting heavy shit in a gym. Meanwhile, the construction guys outside are so fat they look like they’re one tictac away from breaking through the pavement.
I’ve been noticing a sort of new cultural mashup lately that seems to be fusing the ghetto culture with corporate culture. I believe this is happening because male-dominated cultures are horribly confused about what being a man really means. There seems to be a misconception that aggression is manly or that making a lot of money is manly. Since there are few real battles of purpose here in the City for most cubicle warriors, I believe there is a mistaken identity for men.
In my class, the most aggressive people are exclusively men, and I’ve heard my share of war, sports, and sex metaphors for making money. I suppose it’s natural as men become increasingly irrelevant for doing what we were biologically meant to do. We weren’t meant to sit in rooms and do long division all day then cruise happy hours at night. We weren’t really built for mind-numbing summer softball leagues (another hotbed of male aggression), self-lighting propane barbecue grills, and Ikea furniture assembly. Add that to technology making stuff easier but more complex (Prius vs small block V8; ipod vs walkman), and the stuff we’re supposed to know how to fix kicks our asses. In NYC, working on your own home or car is generally against the law anyway. What does that leave for us men to do? That’s right… Make fuckin’ money, you fuckin’ homo (in my best Long Island accent).
I feel horrible for guys who don’t make a lot of money here in New York, not because being poor is a big deal, but because there’s really not many outlets for a man to prove himself. What tends to happen is men substitute making money with being a complete asshole.
Now that men are becoming increasingly extraneous as women salaries slowly become more competitive, I often see them becoming essentially women. It appears that economics is impacting gender roles — a further disruption to the male psyche. Today, I saw two heavily tattooed men in a deli sitting and chatting, each with his infant child in a frontal carrier. WTF? The guys I’ve known with full arm tattoos were in the military and enjoyed fighting. This masculine nuoveau is an entirely foreign concept to me.
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From “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche”:
“Real Men drive gas-guzzling Chryslers with a million cubic inches under the hood and automatic transmissions, because a Real Man is secure enough in his manhood to let his gears be shifted for him.”
Real Men don’t worry about being a Real Man. They just do useful things.
Humans don’t need distractions, they need predators:
http://www.planetthoughts.org/?pg=pt/Whole&qid=3207&sc=t
” Becker’s work elaborates an existential psychology in which human beings suffer from a primary death anxiety that is, contra Freud’s view, irreducible to infantile fears. Like Pascal, Kierkegaard and others in the existentialist tradition who write of our constant need for diversion from the dismal reality of our condition, Becker argues that our primary death anxiety necessarily and quite literally drives us to distraction. Repression, if not imposed by civilization, would be self-imposed due to our need to deny the body that, in a variety of ways, especially in its anal functions, is a constant reminder of the mortality we cannot face. Society offers a range of possibilities for heroism in which death is denied and an illusion of immortality constructed. The traditional psychoanalytic animus against Marxism here reaches a new pitch of intensity as Becker asks what new distractions a revolutionary society would offer its liberated proletarians to keep them from going mad.”
Tommy, once again you’ve nailed the zeitgeist. I’ve been thinking that “urban culture” that has defined music, fashion and “cool” for the past 15 years or so glorifies ugliness, brutality, degradation and violence. Manliness needs to be redefined to having inner strengths and values, not cheap displays. Once again I turn to wu-shu as a model. Self-discipline and self-restraint define strength, not trash-talk. Will we get there? Anything’s possible–we are so ripe for a cultural revolution and I’m doing my best to instigate it. Weirdly enough, doom-and-gloom bloggers diss me for being positive. Typical of the self-hatred intrinsic to our current culture.
We have an interesting dynamic in our household, one that’s maybe becoming more prevalent in society. I’m female and the sole breadwinner. If we have kids, it’s likely that my husband will be the stay at home Dad. Does that make him less of a Man, and me less of a Woman? Maybe society would judge it that way, but as a team, it works for us. Yes, it’s been hard for him to let go of the idea that’s he’s supposed to take care of the family by bringing in a wage. He can take care of us in other ways.
I can earn more ‘money’, but my Husband has more practical skills. We understand that when TSHTF, earning money will be secondary. Practical, barterable skills will be essential. My Husband will be the one the family relies most on then.
I’m probably slightly off topic, but as a woman doing a ‘mans’ job I see the difficulty we all have dealing with a society that needs to apply labels rather than using each person’s individual strengths for the greater good.
Mia,
This is a really valuable comment. I can answer the question: No, it doesn’t make him “less” of a man especially in our current culture. I personally think that women’s liberation was not particularly liberating because it was essentially dedicated to widening a tax base and capitalizing on a growing base of non-farm, non-factory labor force. What’s interesting is that your situation is more common where it no longer makes economic sense for both parents to work while the cost of childcare skyrockets or parents just plain choose to opt out of the childcare scam. I know plenty of women who feel pressure to NOT have children because of their careers, and feel as though having children diminishes their earning potential. This is, of course, true.
We’re weighing humanity with revenue. I think it’s a bad idea. But your family strategy makes perfect sense. However, if women felt liberated by leaving the suburban silo, you can be sure that men won’t exactly enjoy the return in many cases. Judging from your site (I’m a big fan), my guess is that you’re going to solve a whole set of problems acting rather unconventionally, so this may not apply to your household.
Fathers taking care of children seems better than children being trained institutionally I suppose, but I don’t believe we generally have the same nurturing ability of women. This is purely my opinion, and I am speaking generally. That is not to say that the role of fathers is diminished.
In the urban centers, your situation is becoming more common, and I can tell you that it does cause damage to the male psyche. Like Auntiegrav said regarding “usefulness” man’s role as a provider is deeply embedded in the brain regardless of how useful taking out the garbage is. This, like many things, is irrational yet totally real.
I think it sucks that your husband isn’t paid a premium for his skill. We value accountancy over being able to fix something because of global economic dynamics dictating that its cost effective to buy something new rather than take care of what you already own.
In my neighborhood, there’s a 3rd generation knife sharpener (Dominic) who has a cart with a bell. He has simple tools and a ton of skill at working metal right on the street. After decades of perfecting a “useful” skill he’s about to go out of business because who gives a crap about keeping an edge on a knife anymore? Just buy a new one at the dollar store, or just order take out. I get my knives sharpened by Dominic because it actually makes economic sense when you think beyond today. I don’t have the same skill. I don’t have the time or the tools. I don’t want to buy a new knife because the tip broke off.
I think fairly soon, we’re going to need Dominic and your husband’s skill but that doesn’t help the right now too much. The problem may be that this type of usefulness is evaporating. Look at farm labor alone — 8% of the 2% of farming population is under 35 years old. More than half of American farmers are in their 50′s, which signals a crisis for American farming.
I’d give a lot to stop making money, run a small farm, and haul my daughter around all day. We’d have a blast, but it doesn’t make economic sense today. However, this is changing.
That was the most entertaining piece you have written so far, motherfucker.
This is an interesting point, and one I bring up with my charges occasionally. A hundred years ago, there was a sense of what a “good man” and a “good woman” were supposed to be, and they were gender roles heavily reliant upon gender specific skills.
In the intervening time, we had the sexual revolution and brought a lot of equality into the world. The upside has been women’s freedom. The downside has been yet more exploitation so that now women are working class debt slaves too (ie the wider tax base you refer to).
We have become very cautious about gender and roles, to the point where if you ask 20 year olds what the qualities of a good man or good woman is, or what kind of man or woman they want to grow up to be, they usually refer to non-gender specific traits of a “good human.” Now on its face, that’s a great thing. None of us want to be pigeonholed by whats in our jeans(genes).
However, there is a flipside. We still lust and dance and scrog with ours and others’ physical bodies. So, when a straight young man dreams of a perfect partner, he is looking for a “good human,” but when he gets that ancient tickle in the pants, a “good human” probably isn’t going to work unless he is EXTREMELY open minded. In that case, it’s pamela, brittney, beyonce, and so on – girls whose physicality is over the top and completely without subtlety. When they feel manly (whatever that is), it is expressed through equally unsubtle “make the most money” “drive the 7-series” or on the blue collar side tats, MMA, gotta have a bigass truck, or generally being an asshole (for all social classes).
On the female side, my guess is this is where some of the body issues come from. I think perhaps this is where some of the “sexting” thing comes from. Girls who want to be women, including the physical/sexual side, but in a world where there is such a split between the overtly sexual and the non-gendered aspirational qualities – how do they practice at being women?
I don’t know what the way forward is, and there were more than a few drawbacks about the good ole days.
When you described the 2 men with their babies in frontpacks I flashed on that elevator scene in The Hangover. One of the funniest movies ever!
Aside from that, it’s true men are expected to take on more ‘women’s work’ as women take on more of the man’s traditional role, i.e. making money. Since more women are graduating with advanced degrees now than are men this role reversal will likely increase.
I think it’s entirely possible that ‘macho’ can dissapear and the human race will be no worse off for it, and maybe even better off. After all, if a man has to ‘prove’ his manliness it likely means he doesn’t really believe he has any.
Why do they call it “Manliness” when what proves it is usually some childish stunt?
Put a bunch together and they extend puberty until you break them up. Ask any adult that has been in the military.
We tend to think of the ‘average’ adult human as the ones described in our books, but the maturity level is going backward real fast with modern technology, and most of the current arguments about things sure seem like the ones that the kids have in 4th grade, while sexuality icons seem geared to the 13 year old crowd.
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